Stardate 73700.6Thirteenth day of social distancing  I don’t care about coronavirus anymore. Just please make it stop raining. RIP to Spring Break 2020. We never knew you. Our kids have this idea that kind of makes sense to me. What if all of society just agreed that Monday is January 1st, 2020? What if we…

We did it, America. We figured out how to get the news to shut up about the election. And we’ve solved school shootings for the year. And we’ve ended homeschool jokes once and for all. And we’ve nearly solved carbon emissions. No one is complaining about bike lanes anymore. All we had to do was…

Megan had a good point tonight. If COVID-19 doesn’t get us, diabetes might. We really need to slow down on the desserts. Have you seen your inbox? I had no idea all these companies cared so much about me. My health insurance company just sent me an email that said, “We’re in this together for…

The guy from Junior Achievement in 5th grade was wrong. He said that if I didn’t give people a firm handshake that I’d never make it in this world. Nope. Because shaking hands in 2020 is bad. Everyone knows it. It spreads disease. But at least I got to keep the Junior Achievement pen. The…

Did you know that in San Diego County men are twice as likely to get COVID-19 as women? Bet I know why, too. Men suck at hygiene. But not me. I now wash my hands for Pledge of Allegiance seconds like a good American boy any time I think I might have touched something. We’re…

Today I waved at a passing helicopter. For real. I was a little sad when they didn’t wave back. Maybe they did and I just blinked? And when people came over to buy plants today I resisted the sudden urge to hug them. Speaking of the plant sale. There’s nothing more wonderfully hilarious than people…

No one ate the pinguinos today so it’s a good day in McLandia. Today marks a week since we started social distancing and it feels much longer than that. I just want to shake hands again. It’s hard to believe that a week ago I picked up Jackson from school and joked with his teacher,…

Today was full of smiles and tears. My day started off with a conference call that brought huge smiles; my day ended with tears when the Governor issued a stay at home order. For real bro? Your wife doesn’t even believe in vaccines and you’re putting us on lockdown? In our house we are each…

Let’s start off with a question I’ve wondered all day. Should I fill out my Census 2020 questionnaire now or should I wait to see how this turns out? Just wondering. I mean, someone has to eat the Pinguinos if you catch my drift. Today I also decided that the first person to get the…

Stardate 73676Fourth day of social distancing Today we took up arms against the gravitational pull of despair. We will not be bored! We will not be isolated! We will fight! Er, calm down dude, it’s only Facebook. After coffee Kristen and I settled in on a major work project. I taught her how to add…